Proximity
opening excerpt
I had been suspicious for a time that my wife was being unfaithful – like her sudden focus on personal grooming with only the slightest increase in observable sexual desire (directed towards me at least), the supposed early morning yoga or late-night book clubs, decreased nagging activity on certain days, brief and wondrous like an eclipse – but the notion was merely a tickle, a soft breeze tugging conspicuously at one’s pant leg, not yet a hurricane force gale. It was not until later that I became sure.
The sex, though not overly frequent – twice a month, or once per week if it was February or December – was too good for me to believe that any suspicions of mine could be warranted. Our love was tender but also fervent, compassionate yet explosive. We made love in the flicker of candlelight, but we could also burn like an uninhibited wildfire, experimenting with silicon toys and whips. People cheated because something was missing in the bedroom – that was my assumption – and so I thought we had been inoculated from wanderlust.
It was the night of her thirtieth birthday when I found out. I was always good at birthdays and grand romantic gestures, like my proposal (a private helicopter ride to the top of the mountain we had summited first as a couple, a cooler and icepacks hidden under the seats with her favourite gelato from Italy – flown in the night before because I had a friend of a friend who was a pilot on the Toronto to Rome route – kept frozen inside). I did not realize it then, but I was not great with the little things, which maybe was one of the reasons why she slipped away. I watched sports highlights instead of snuggling up to her in front of one of her shows. I was not emotionally open enough. I lied occasionally but never about anything important, nothing more than white lies.
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